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How to Deal with Disobedient Children?

Rida Ghaffar  .  Friday February 12, 2021
 . Lifestyle

Entering adulthood is a daunting period for children. They start feeling like they are grown up enough to take responsibility and deal with the stress all on their own. At the same time, however, they feel overwhelmed and not ready for this new chapter in their life. 

These physical and emotional changes lead to confusion that adolescents often express in the form of increased irritability. Teenagers become disobedient or temperamental because they feel they can regain their sense of control with aggressive behavior. 

Sadly, parents are often the first target because children know their mother or father will love them unconditionally regardless of how they behave. It is our job as parents to understand the struggles they face and help them accordingly.

The Holy Quran states:

"And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward." (Surah Anfal: 28)

So, what can the parents of a teenager do?

Be a positive role model

Practice the teachings of Islam in their presence and invite them to join you in prayer, reciting Quran, and other spiritually enriching experiences.

Following the right path will bring them closer to Allah, restore their sense of calm, and strengthen bonds with their family. Getting closer to the teachings of Islam will also teach them the importance of respecting parents.

Encourage good family time

It is simple, do things together as a family! Have a meal together at least once every day. Spending quality time will help strengthen bonds between you doing something fun and enjoyable together in an atmosphere that is less likely to encourage any friction.

Take the assistance of an elderly at home

All children highly respect elders at home, for example, grandparents. Grandparents are seen as a third neutral party with abundant supply of wisdom and inspiration. They offer the perfect non-threatening environment for an open conversation. 

Moreover, children understand more of who they are and where they come from through their connection with their grandparents. 

As proven by various studies, grandparent-grandchild relationships during the teenage years are associated with less behavioral and emotional problems. 

Through regular contact, a sense of emotional intimacy, and unwavering support - they give children a safe space to share their doubts and concerns. During tough times, having an extra layer of support can make a big difference. 

Be direct

Just be firm in letting them know that their attitude is not acceptable. Educate on how children can practice damage control and control their feelings in the future.

Apart from addressing the problem areas, work on how you can better deal with them as parents. We are all human, and there may be some improvements required from your end. 

After all, Allah (SWT) places importance on not just for children to respect their parents but also for parents to softly deal with children and not trigger resentment by extreme actions. 

May Allah guide our children on the straight path and guide parents to better deal with them. Ameen.

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