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(5189) To treat one's family in a polite and kind manner
حَدَّثَنَا سُلَيْمَانُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، وَعَلِيُّ بْنُ حُجْرٍ، قَالَا: أَخْبَرَنَا عِيسَى بْنُ يُونُسَ، حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامُ بْنُ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ: "جَلَسَ إِحْدَى عَشْرَةَ امْرَأَةً فَتَعَاهَدْنَ وَتَعَاقَدْنَ أَنْ لَا يَكْتُمْنَ مِنْ أَخْبَارِ أَزْوَاجِهِنَّ شَيْئًا، قَالَتِ الْأُولَى: زَوْجِي لَحْمُ جَمَلٍ غَثٍّ عَلَى رَأْسِ جَبَلٍ لَا سَهْلٍ فَيُرْتَقَى وَلَا سَمِينٍ فَيُنْتَقَلُ، قَالَتِ الثَّانِيَةُ: زَوْجِي لَا أَبُثُّ خَبَرَهُ إِنِّي أَخَافُ أَنْ لَا أَذَرَهُ إِنْ أَذْكُرْهُ أَذْكُرْ عُجَرَهُ وَبُجَرَهُ، قَالَتِ الثَّالِثَةُ: زَوْجِي الْعَشَنَّقُ إِنْ أَنْطِقْ أُطَلَّقْ وَإِنْ أَسْكُتْ أُعَلَّقْ، قَالَتِ الرَّابِعَةُ: زَوْجِي كَلَيْلِ تِهَامَةَ لَا حَرٌّ وَلَا قُرٌّ وَلَا مَخَافَةَ وَلَا سَآمَةَ، قَالَتِ الْخَامِسَةُ: زَوْجِي إِنْ دَخَلَ فَهِدَ وَإِنْ خَرَجَ أَسِدَ وَلَا يَسْأَلُ عَمَّا عَهِدَ، قَالَتِ السَّادِسَةُ: زَوْجِي إِنْ أَكَلَ لَفَّ وَإِنْ شَرِبَ اشْتَفَّ وَإِنِ اضْطَجَعَ الْتَفَّ وَلَا يُولِجُ الْكَفَّ لِيَعْلَمَ الْبَثَّ، قَالَتِ السَّابِعَةُ: زَوْجِي غَيَايَاءُ أَوْ عَيَايَاءُ طَبَاقَاءُ كُلُّ دَاءٍ لَهُ دَاءٌ شَجَّكِ أَوْ فَلَّكِ أَوْ جَمَعَ كُلًّا لَكِ، قَالَتِ الثَّامِنَةُ: زَوْجِي الْمَسُّ مَسُّ أَرْنَبٍ وَالرِّيحُ رِيحُ زَرْنَبٍ، قَالَتِ التَّاسِعَةُ: زَوْجِي رَفِيعُ الْعِمَادِ طَوِيلُ النِّجَادِ عَظِيمُ الرَّمَادِ قَرِيبُ الْبَيْتِ مِنَ النَّادِ، قَالَتِ الْعَاشِرَةُ: زَوْجِي مَالِكٌ وَمَا مَالِكٌ مَالِكٌ خَيْرٌ مِنْ ذَلِكِ لَهُ إِبِلٌ كَثِيرَاتُ الْمَبَارِكِ قَلِيلَاتُ الْمَسَارِحِ وَإِذَا سَمِعْنَ صَوْتَ الْمِزْهَرِ أَيْقَنَّ أَنَّهُنَّ هَوَالِكُ، قَالَتِ الْحَادِيَةَ عَشْرَةَ: زَوْجِي أَبُو زَرْعٍ وَمَا أَبُو زَرْعٍ أَنَاسَ مِنْ حُلِيٍّ أُذُنَيَّ وَمَلَأَ مِنْ شَحْمٍ عَضُدَيَّ وَبَجَّحَنِي فَبَجِحَتْ إِلَيَّ نَفْسِي وَجَدَنِي فِي أَهْلِ غُنَيْمَةٍ بِشِقٍّ، فَجَعَلَنِي فِي أَهْلِ صَهِيلٍ وَأَطِيطٍ وَدَائِسٍ وَمُنَقٍّ فَعِنْدَهُ أَقُولُ فَلَا أُقَبَّحُ وَأَرْقُدُ فَأَتَصَبَّحُ وَأَشْرَبُ فَأَتَقَنَّحُ أُمُّ أَبِي زَرْعٍ فَمَا أُمُّ أَبِي زَرْعٍ عُكُومُهَا رَدَاحٌ وَبَيْتُهَا فَسَاحٌ ابْنُ أَبِي زَرْعٍ فَمَا ابْنُ أَبِي زَرْعٍ مَضْجَعُهُ كَمَسَلِّ شَطْبَةٍ وَيُشْبِعُهُ ذِرَاعُ الْجَفْرَةِ بِنْتُ أَبِي زَرْعٍ فَمَا بِنْتُ أَبِي زَرْعٍ طَوْعُ أَبِيهَا وَطَوْعُ أُمِّهَا وَمِلْءُ كِسَائِهَا وَغَيْظُ جَارَتِهَا جَارِيَةُ أَبِي زَرْعٍ فَمَا جَارِيَةُ أَبِي زَرْعٍ لَا تَبُثُّ حَدِيثَنَا تَبْثِيثًا وَلَا تُنَقِّثُ مِيرَتَنَا تَنْقِيثًا وَلَا تَمْلَأُ بَيْتَنَا تَعْشِيشًا، قَالَتْ: خَرَجَ أَبُو زَرْعٍ وَالْأَوْطَابُ تُمْخَضُ فَلَقِيَ امْرَأَةً مَعَهَا وَلَدَانِ لَهَا كَالْفَهْدَيْنِ يَلْعَبَانِ مِنْ تَحْتِ خَصْرِهَا بِرُمَّانَتَيْنِ فَطَلَّقَنِي وَنَكَحَهَا، فَنَكَحْتُ بَعْدَهُ رَجُلًا سَرِيًّا رَكِبَ شَرِيًّا وَأَخَذَ خَطِّيًّا وَأَرَاحَ عَلَيَّ نَعَمًا ثَرِيًّا وَأَعْطَانِي مِنْ كُلِّ رَائِحَةٍ زَوْجًا، وَقَالَ: كُلِي أُمَّ زَرْعٍ وَمِيرِي أَهْلَكِ، قَالَتْ: فَلَوْ جَمَعْتُ كُلَّ شَيْءٍ أَعْطَانِيهِ مَا بَلَغَ أَصْغَرَ آنِيَةِ أَبِي زَرْعٍ، قَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: كُنْتُ لَكِ كَأَبِي زَرْعٍ لِأُمِّ زَرْعٍ"، قَالَ أَبُو عَبْد اللَّهِ، قَالَ سَعِيدُ بْنُ سَلَمَةَ: عَنْ هِشَامٍ، وَلَا تُعَشِّشُ بَيْتَنَا تَعْشِيشًا، قَالَ أَبُو عَبْد اللَّهِ: وَقَالَ بَعْضُهُمْ: فَأَتَقَمَّحُ بِالْمِيمِ وَهَذَا أَصَحُّ.
SAHIH HADITH:
Narrated `Aisha: Eleven women sat (at a place) and promised and contracted that they would not conceal anything of the news of their husbands. The first one said, My husband is like the meat of a slim weak camel which is kept on the top of a mountain which is neither easy to climb, nor is the meat fat, so that one might put up with the trouble of fetching it. The second one said, I shall not relate my husband's news, for I fear that I may not be able to finish his story, for if I describe him, I will mention all his defects and bad traits. The third one said, My husband, the too-tall ! if I describe him (and he hears of that) he will divorce me, and if I keep quiet, he will keep me hanging (neither divorcing me nor treating me as a wife). The fourth one said, My husband is (moderate in temper) like the night of Tihama: neither hot nor cold; I am neither afraid of him, nor am I discontented with him. The fifth one said, My husband, when entering (the house) is a leopard (sleeps a lot), and when going out, is a lion (boasts a lot). He does not ask about whatever is in the house. The sixth one said, If my husband eats, he eats too much (leaving the dishes empty), and if he drinks he leaves nothing; if he sleeps he sleeps he rolls himself (alone in our blankets); and he does not insert his palm to inquire about my feelings. The seventh one said, My husband is a wrong-doer or weak and foolish. All the defects are present in him. He may injure your head or your body or may do both. The eighth one said, My husband is soft to touch like a rabbit and smells like a Zarnab (a kind of good smelling grass). The ninth one said, My husband is a tall generous man wearing a long strap for carrying his sword. His ashes are abundant (i.e. generous to his guests) and his house is near to the people (who would easily consult him). The tenth one said, My husband is Malik (possessor), and what is Malik? Malik is greater than whatever I say about him. (He is beyond and above all praises which can come to my mind). Most of his camels are kept at home (ready to be slaughtered for the guests) and only a few are taken to the pastures. When the camels hear the sound of the lute (or the tambourine) they realize that they are going to be slaughtered for the guests. The eleventh one said, My husband is Abu Zar` and what is Abu Zar` (i.e., what should I say about him)? He has given me many ornaments and my ears are heavily loaded with them and my arms have become fat (i.e., I have become fat). And he has pleased me, and I have become so happy that I feel proud of myself. He found me with my family who were mere owners of sheep and living in poverty, and brought me to a respected family having horses and camels and threshing and purifying grain. Whatever I say, he does not rebuke or insult me. When I sleep, I sleep till late in the morning, and when I drink water (or milk), I drink my fill. The mother of Abu Zar and what may one say in praise of the mother of Abu Zar? Her saddle bags were always full of provision and her house was spacious. As for the son of Abu Zar, what may one say of the son of Abu Zar? His bed is as narrow as an unsheathed sword and an arm of a kid (of four months) satisfies his hunger. As for the daughter of Abu Zar, she is obedient to her father and to her mother. She has a fat well-built body and that arouses the jealousy of her husband's other wife. As for the (maid) slave girl of Abu Zar, what may one say of the (maid) slavegirl of Abu Zar? She does not uncover our secrets but keeps them, and does not waste our provisions and does not leave the rubbish scattered everywhere in our house. The eleventh lady added, One day it so happened that Abu Zar went out at the time when the milk was being milked from the animals, and he saw a woman who had two sons like two leopards playing with her two breasts. (On seeing her) he divorced me and married her. Thereafter I married a noble man who used to ride a fast tireless horse and keep a spear in his hand. He gave me many things, and also a pair of every kind of livestock and said, Eat (of this), O Um Zar, and give provision to your relatives. She added, Yet, all those things which my second husband gave me could not fill the smallest utensil of Abu Zar's. `Aisha then said: Allah's Apostle said to me, I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife Um Zar.
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